You may have read that I’m selling S-300 missiles to Iran. Everyone calm down, it’s not going to pose problems for you.
I, Vladimir Putin, President of Russia, now announce emergency aid for Ukraine.
Given the difficult circumstances, the political tensions and unconstitutional changes in government taking place in that increasingly ungovernable state, what with winter coming on, the Russian Federation will now distribute free energy to Ukraine.
Energy will be made available free and gratis to Ukraine in many forms:
Because travel broadens the mind, and is amongst the best form of education, I have dispatched 20,000 tourists to Ukraine in other to distribute these.
Now, now. No need to thank me. I’m just happy to help.
Here is some live footage from my brave boys driving to Ukraine bringing safety, peace and order as they drive through Ukraine.
Several weeks ago, many Ukrainian servicemen lost their lives when their aircraft was shot down over where.
Then we had this terrible incident where nearly 300 innocent people were killed. Now two more jets were shot down in Ukraine. There is a clear pattern here. Clearly this rogue nation needs to be brought to heel.
How long will we, the world’s civilized nations, stand by as Ukraine proves itself a danger to safe navigation of the skies for its own people, and that of travelers going about their private and lawful business?